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...s machine blinked all of its lights in sequence. Certainly, the blinking lights did not help its function in any way, but he got bored sometimes, and it's not as though they made it less efficient. "Machine," he said. "Evaluate attractiveness to female sex." The standard, computerized voice began speaking. At first, he listened, but he got increasingly bored as the minutes crawled by. Eventually, he found himself asleep. Several hours later, Jimmy woke up. "And that concludes the evaluation." Realizing what had happened, Jimmy stated, "Summarize." The machine one again began speaking. "Your voice is too high. You are too short. Your legs are too thin. You have a large head. You have a small-" "My head!" Jimmy shouted. "That's it! No wonder Cindy has been ignoring me! My head has been too large my whole life. But how would I decrease its apparent size without decreasing my intelligence? Goddard, options!" The first option he threw out on the spot, "EVALUATION BOT IS INCORRECT, YOUR HEAD IS FINE." The second option, "SURGICALLY MOVE YOUR BRAIN TO YOUR INTESTINES", met similar response. The third option, "HIDE YOUR BRAIN IN A SPACIAL ANOMALY, was decided upon. The procedure would take approximately three hour...
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